Emotional splits make you better
You have a close relationship with someone, but he always attacks you.
Then leave him, he will issue death threats: kill you or commit suicide.
You can’t move in a relationship, because what you do is wrong.
Schizophrenia is one of the most serious mental illnesses.
Division is also the source of various mental illnesses.
What is division?
The conceptual opposition between black and white, right and wrong, good and bad, and so on, is division.
Things were originally good or bad, but our minds created divisions, and saw some of them as acceptable, and others as unacceptable, and created divisions.
In progress, Ming philosopher Wang Yangming said: There is no good and no disgusting body, there is good and malicious movement.
In other words, when our heart is not moving, it does not matter whether it is good or evil, but as soon as the heart is moving, that is, when the mind is moving, division occurs.
To you, A is acceptable, and -A is unacceptable. At this time, a split occurs, and it is our heart that made A and -A.
Many times, this is imposed on us by others.
The most painful division is that you can neither A nor -A, you have nowhere to go, and finally your heart is broken in half, half can only touch A, and the other half can only touch -A, this is the spiritSplit.
Each of us is more or less in this dimension, and the pain it brings can be seen everywhere.
They approached you once with horrible means. I met a girl through the Internet, her text was excellent, and she also showed the weird weird weird.
However, the virtual and real worlds are indeed large.
Maybe, in the virtual world, you can only touch the human side, but in the real world, if you are sensitive, you can sense all sides of the other person.
The first contact with her in the real world was through a phone call and just a text message, but after just a few chats, I had a headache.
I feel that it seems that I can’t write like this, nor can I write like that, she can pick out thorns no matter how I text.
But this is mainly the feeling. In fact, the content of the text message is very ordinary. If you only look at the text of the text message, you may not be able to trim it, but the feeling is very clear.
I think she seems to be expressing several contradictory meanings at the same time: it ‘s still interesting to chat with you, but you do n’t think it ‘s your credit, you ‘re nothing great, but you ca n’t leave me alone, otherwise I will be unhappy,But I did n’t send the message that I need you. If you continue to chat with me, it ‘s your own business, and it ‘s okay with me . After a few rounds of text messaging like that, I ‘m scared, because I did have a headache on the ground, soNever contacted her again.
Another time, a friend introduced a strange woman to me and said that her experience is quite legendary. I love listening to people and telling stories. It does not prevent her from quoting her stories well. Maybe she can have some inspiration and write something in the end.
The first time I met was in the evening, and I talked with her for three hours. The headache was getting worse and worse, so that the headache still remained after going home to sleep.
This strange woman gives me the same feeling as the previous netizen, but also has a lot of contradictory information about her behavior, but her confrontation is more, and it is an enhanced version of “You can neither A nor -A”.
Logically, she seems to be saying that you can neither A, nor -A, nor-(-A), nor even-[[-(-A)]. and,-(-A) is not equal to A, and-[-(-A)]is not equal to -A. The difference is very subtle, but it can be experienced if you try it with your heart.
I was even more afraid of this headache, so I didn’t associate with this strange woman later.
Recalling now, these two ladies, their message can be summarized into two points: you can neither be close to me nor alienate from me.
In other words, with them, you seem to be wrong.
I believe many people will have this experience. You have met someone. What is more serious is that you have a close relationship with a person. You find that with him, he always attacks you.
So you think, he always attacks me like this, he definitely doesn’t like me and doesn’t need me, so I leave him.
But if you dare to do so, he will threaten death, either threaten to kill you, or threaten to kill himself.
You may be scared, you stay in this relationship, but you find that in this relationship, you can’t move because you are doing anything wrong.
A woman is in love with a man, he always ridicules her for being cold and even violent against her.
She couldn’t stand it, and felt he didn’t like him at all, so she broke up.
As a result, a serious conflict broke out. He was out of control, shook her desperately, scolded her, and even took out a knife to threaten suicide or kill her: “Do n’t you know I love you, how could you have thought of leaving me?
“The position of American psychologist Evans in his book” Don’t Control Me with Love “: Many people want to be close to others, but they use some terrible means when they want to transmit this signal.
This man is using terrible means to get close to this woman, but these means eventually lead to alienation. Does Ta like me or has schizophrenia?
Similar things are more common in adolescence.
When boys and girls have hazy feelings, they often send the message “I don’t care about you”.
A girl was a branch representative in high school. When she was passing by a boy ‘s desk at one time, the boy suddenly knocked a thick stack of workbooks on her hands, and then looked at her with provocative eyes, which made herVery angry, but suddenly the anger disappeared strangely, so she squatted down and picked up her workbook and left.
Now she recalled that the boy had done similar things many times, and she understood that the boy liked her.
Like or even fall in love with someone, you put yourself in danger-what if the other person doesn’t love themselves?
You don’t want to take risks, but you are somewhat annoyed that you can’t control yourself, you just like it and can’t help but think of this person.
You love and hate your own love, and in the end you pass this dual contradictory message to this person.
A lady M always sends a message like “I care about you” in a destructive way.
It ‘s like, she always said to you while beating you, get close to me, get closer to me, I care about you, do you know?
During a consultation, she said that she was so contradictory because she felt guilty again when others approached her.
This guilt was originally generated in the interaction with the parents. The parents always ignored her, and she felt that the parents would only pay attention to her when she seemed to express anger, but when she really got the attention of her parents in an angry way,She felt guilty again, and this guilt sometimes turned into anger.
That’s why her message is so contradictory.
First of all, she often conveys anger, meaning “I don’t like you” to others.
However, others cannot alienate her, because what she really means is “I want you to be close to me.”
However, if someone really gets close to her, she will have guilt again. When guilt is born, she will be moved to tears, and there may be anger, and the other one is mostly.A bit further “message.
At this time, if someone is really far away from her, there will be a terrible loneliness, which makes her feel that her life is not as good as death, so she will have the possibility of emotions . If “you can neither A, nor”-A” is the cause of serious psychological problems, then “you can either A or -A” is the answer.
In the above examples, if they can send the message “You can be close to me or alienate me” to others, others will have great freedom, and they will feel that their need for closeness is respected and their need for alienation is respected.I have also been respected, and my entire person has been respected, so a sense of integration has emerged-“My essence as a person is what I should be.”
When division occurs, it is often because of conditional love.
Maybe, for example, parents will send a signal. Only when you achieve A, we will pay attention to you and accept you. Therefore, you will form a consciousness. I can do A, but I cannot do -A.of.
This is a split that most parents have, and the problem is not serious.
But if the parents themselves have big problems and many psychological contradictions, they will send a very bad signal to the children: you do A, we do not accept you, you do -A, we do not accept you.
This eventually led to a severe division of the child.
We can be more aware of ourselves and say to ourselves, I can either A or -A, this will cause a lot of good changes.
For those who are never angry, allow yourself to be angry; for those who are never willing to aggravate yourself, allow yourself to be somewhat aggrieved.
The important standard of mental health is flexibility, and the effective way to flexibility is to often say to yourself “You can either A or -A”, and become this principle to live out in life.
It doesn’t matter if you can’t live, it’s also flexible.